2009 to 2010 - Reminiscences, Closure

It is a new year folks and I decided to do a lot of things. Don't worry I'm not going to bore you with the soon-going-to-be-unfulfilled promises I make to my self every year. Its just that I have learnt so much in the past year, I cannot let go of it without some closure. So bear with me even if I sound incoherent and unintelligible at times.

*Names changed to protect privacy. :P

Kids, the year 2009 started off with me and your Uncle Barney .... Oh wait this is not the HIMYM script. Ah here's my story :

My year started off at Novotel, one of the biggest convention centers in India. I was surrounded by a thousand people, most of whom I didn't know and I was in the middle of the most depressing situation I'd ever been in. We'll come back to that later.

I did some very crazy things on and since that new years day. That was the first of many times that I partied with Mental who would soon become a big part of my life. Lets call her M. One of my best friends, savior and practically family, M is hot. She's sexy. She's smart in a nigga-on-the-streets kinda way, but she's mostly blonde dumb. And I love her just the way she is. I learnt from her that life can be cool. It doesn't have to be hot and happening all the time. If only you let it, it can just lead you along to places you always wanted to go to but worked too hard on the journey that you forgot where you wanted to go to in the first place. It was from her that I realized that even though you've been with somebody for a long time, you aren't necessarily in love with them. It was from being with her that proved my long standing theory that a guy and a girl are most definitely never just friends. It is because of her that I have confidence that no matter what there'll always be support for me. Oh and M has a little problem with English, IF she reads this she won't be able to make jack out of it. Hence the "if".

At that same new years party, I met again The Great South Indian Aunt, an old classmate from school. Lets call her H. She was depressed too,cause she's broken up with her boyfriend of a week, two years back. Yes you heard me right. They were together for a week, sometime before Hurricane Katrina struck the US in 2007. I didn't understand. You see, I was almost over my relationship and my shit had happened only 2 weeks before, but she wasn't. It surprised me that someone could be so naive. It was from her that I learnt that there were people with hearts as fragile as hers and that it isn't as easy as others for them to "bounce back" or "move on". It was from her that I learnt that being happy without having fun is a good way to live too.

And then, I re-met Psycho Saaley or PS, also an old classmate from school. Now PS is a good person by heart. One of the most frustrated souls I have ever met, his goal for the last two years has been to find that goal. In a nutshell - He talks in numbers of at least 150 crores, plays poker better than anyone else I know, lives in his car, gets high on a shot of vodka, is good looking, knows every other girl in town but wont go out with them for more than a week and has just passed engineering after great difficulties. The thing with PS is that once you start hanging out with him like I did, you find that frustration and helplessness creep into you too. Our wavelengths though match so much that if he was a girl, I'd be married to her. It was together that we learnt life needs a much bigger purpose than money, status or fame. It needs an enemy and your goal is to conquer that enemy. I also learnt (and tried to tell him but he's PS, he wont listen no matter what) that the bigger purpose is of no use if you don't cherish the past, live in the now and hope for tomorrow.

Then the craziest thing happened. You see PS and H knew each other. H and M knew each other. So it just so happened that we started hanging out together (thanks to yours truly). A lot. It was from those 4 months of hanging out with them that I learnt how completely different people can have so much in common and not see it until its thrust in their face. It was from them that I learnt the value of time in a relationship. I love them like my own two arms and one leg ;).

Around the time I started hanging out with the 3 idiots, I met Bubbly. B is a drama queen, not in the saas-bahu sort of way but in the eternally endearing sort. She's very pretty and doesn't know it (and I wont tell her, I like it this way :) ), she's super smart, amazing to hang out with, laughs at my stupid jokes and so I have to love her :P . It was through her that I met another person who'd be a big part of my life. From her, I learnt English. I learnt that it could be so much fun to meet people and fall in love over romantic gestures and lovely situations but you'll come out scarred if you don't bother to look past the obvious. I learnt from her that one day, it will all matter.

Around the beginning of my year, I started talking very often with a childhood classmate lets call her AA. We met online through my ex, but barely remembered each other from school. But we started talking, generally and I grew extremely fond of her. I learnt from her that friendship didn't need time, effort and all that bull shit. It just needs that little understanding. I learnt from her that life is tough not just on me but its always been tough for everybody. I learnt from her that you can not-care about what people think about you and be who you are. She told me once “Its all good”. And it has been. Muah.

Around March, when summer was just about to unleash its wrath on Hyderabad, I met Dream Girl. She was perfect in almost every way. I'd known her a lot before when she was the senior in college that everyone in my batch had had a crush on. Now DG landed here from abroad. The changed DG shocked me. She'd gone from being beautiful to hot in an year. Head over heels, I fell for her. But, having just licked my wounds clean, I was hesitant, unsure if I was ready for anything. You see, when she'd come to hyderabad, with her came a lot of baggage. Baggage that only a man who's completely sure of himself can carry. And then, I wasnt. She taught me confidence, comfort and peace. It was from her that I learnt that people like her still believe that everybody's good. With her, I realized that I'm not an unattractive person. From her, I learnt that people can even lie to themselves if they dont want to face the truth. It was with her that I learnt that we can lose ourselves in alcohol.

It was after DG, during the time I graduated that B introduced me to . Now when B introduced me to R, I was charmed by her smile. A pretty girl whose tenderness and innocence moved me in more ways than I can describe. I should have known that we would be better off as just friends. But like I decided later, it just isn't possible for a guy and a girl to hang out so much just the two of them and think nothing's going to happen between them. So we dated. For a week. I still don't know what happened, but I just couldn't get myself to feel that way about her. I thought I did but turns out I didn't and I blame myself for putting her through a lot of shit a nice girl like her didn't deserve to go through. I do not regret knowing her, I regret letting my foolishness get the better of me. The worst part is that I knew what she would go through. I was there before when my first girlfriend broke up with me. So I know how it feels like and that eats me up. Whenever I think of her, I wish she takes care of herself and knows that it wasn't her fault at all. With her, I learnt that it is ok to hate yourself. With her I learnt myself.

It was also at that very new years party I met Touch Me (Not) and she'd come into my life again much later. Lets call her the D. The D is the kind of person who'll make you feel special. Cause she's not. I'm sorry I'm not trying to be mean but its just the truth. She's just any other girl. Except that she's very good looking (Guys thinking "bastard" and girls rolling their eyes, I know and don't care :P) and she's a little more caring. You can talk ( read listen) to her for hours on the phone and wake up the next morning not remembering a single word or even the topic(s) you talked about (listened to). If she was smart enough to talk to me about things that matter and think about what she's doing to her life, I'd be in love with her. But she's not that and I'm not. Lol :) . It was from her that I realized that people can be in pain throughout their life and still put up a facade of being happy. It is from her that I have come to know that even when some things are pushed onto your face you are too scared of the future and what you have done in the past to accept it and move on.

Speaking of moving on, I was depressed on new years 2009 cause I'd just lost the girl I was with and in love with for 2 & 1/2 mostly amazing years. It was not a situation I had foreseen. We had our problems but who doesn't eh? :) ..... Anyway the point being that she'd lied to herself more than she did to me and I realized I was lying to myself too. Towards "the end", I realize now, that I no longer was in love with her cause I know now I'd lost the trust I'd had in her. I am not saying that's her fault. It's mine but things change and only if we change with them while remembering who we were and not losing touch with that can any positive growth happen. I'm ranting again aren't I? ... Okay .. Coming back. Things got bad. I did some things I'm not very proud of and I'm sure she feels the same way too. I loved her and I miss her sometimes. I learnt at the very beginning of the year that forgiveness is not a very strong virtue of mine and I have tried to work on it. I sincerely hope that she finds her reason to be happy.

All through this time, i have been in 7 car accidents, 3 of which I was the driver. 2 of those weren't my fault. I waited outside the police station for 3 hours (for a friend). Talked to dirty cops, fed them money, saw bullet holes in cars, was in the hospital more times than any year before, had married women hit on me, travelled a lot, met more people than I thought was humanly possible to keep track of, slept on a beach, cried on my father's shoulders on the first day of 2009, got to know I'm going to be an uncle, keep talking about losing it but haven't yet lost it, bought a new car and so on...

2009 has changed me. Not in a way that people who knew me wouldn't recognize me but I have changed the way I see things or even people for that matter.

'09 was a rough ride from when it started (sober at NOVOTEL in a party full of drunk people) to where it ended (sober at TOUCH in a pub full of drunk people) but a lot of knowledge and wisdom was passed on to me or should I say thrust in my face :). I may not miss it but I'll definitely cherish my last single digit year....

2010 is now.

P.S. : If you got so far, then you might as well comment. :P


Anonymous said…
i liked it. :) really.
in fact, i think i like the prose better than the poetry.(yes thats a compliment. dont die of shock.)
it was funny and it made me laugh(not that its very hard to make me laugh)and it was very very honest and from the heart and i loved that. but yeah u cud have given me a better name na? bubbly kathe. thoo. well anyway, happy 2010 to u.
luv, B.
Anonymous said…
muah! you know who.. and we both know why !! All is good ! and I love you too :)
Pratik Stephen said…
Very cool post Pattu!
: )

I've been meaning to write a year in review post since last year... Maybe I finally will!

My favourites...

"life needs a much bigger purpose than money, status or fame"

"you can not-care about what people think about you and be who you are."
@B : The name's perfect and you know it!! Btw I am still in a lil shock that you gave me compliments... are you alright??? I mean I cant find the words "Hmmm, Interesting" anywhere!!!... find B a doc somebody will you please!!! :)

@Anusha : Thanks !! ...

@Yes,I Know who you are : Come to hyd... now... RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

@Pratik : Thanks man !!.... And you should give it a try... painstaking but worth it!!! :) .... And tell you-know-who to get that lazy butt off the couch and read it before I give the title to someone else ;) ...
Pratik Stephen said…
She only pointed me to your post.
She read it, and obviously loved it...
She linked to it on her blog.
: )
pavan said…
(JHPS it should ring a bell)
its been a while, hey i didn't know you had a blog, i just went through it, i liked this post,the way you expressed yourself pretty interesting.
will look into other posts soon.
Anonymous said…
this post is very usefull thx!

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