Love over Lunch
“Is it all worth it?”, my friend asked me as we sat at the erstwhile awesome Hyderabad House, “all the pain, the expectations, the unfulfilled promises and the forgotten moments of happiness, all for what? This hollow feeling in my heart?”
I knew she had a point.
“All of us fall in and out of love, but why do we do it? What do we want? If all we want is a reason to live or love, we have family. If its support, we have friends. For everything else, there's always that drunken night at a club.... ;) If its not all that, then what do we need? Why do we pursue that elusive feeling that shows up for the first few months in a relationship and then vanishes without so much as a whisper of a trace? Why do we give it so much importance in our lives?”
I was stumped.
This was when I was sort of in a relationship with an almost perfect girl (aren't they all :p ) and I couldn't think of an answer to give my friend. In short I didn't know what I was doing with that girl. (I mean emotionally, you perv :p )
So, I did what I always do when I'm confused..... I ate.
And then I stopped to think. What could it be? Do I really want this girl to be a part of my life? Why? If not this girl, then what kind of girl? For that matter, why do I set some standards in the first place to like a girl? What do I want????
After a while of brainstorming, it dawned on me. I hadn't finished my Biryani. So, I ate.
Just when I was about to finish, I realized that it wasn't the so called love, the security, the physical stuff or the support that I needed.
More than anything else, its comfort.
Plain and simple comfort. The feeling of freedom to say anything, do anything, FEEL anything when you're with or without this person. The point is not that I can be a bastard, do shit and expect the girl to understand. Its that whatever happens, she trusts me and I trust her enough not to do horribly wrong things in the first place. You see, that's all that’s left in a relationship after the first few months. The way you feel. If you're not comfortable enough to tell this person stuff like your friend bought you a gift without it being an awkward situation, its never going to work out.
And so, I understood, as I sipped the last of my coke, that I wanted a girl I could be comfortable with. Someone to who I could open my soul and show the scars without being ashamed ( I know it sounds like a dialogue from cheesy 3rd grade English movie, but guess what? It works most of the time ... lol ...).
Expectations come when you don't know how the other person is going to react to a situation and you wish they would react the way you want them to. I want a girl who has the maturity to understand that expectations most often than not work against you than for. I want a girl who knows me and who I know.
Now, I know a number of girls I’m comfortable with, but I can’t date them (not that I didn’t try ;) …). So, I must want something more as well.
The double-ka-meetha had just arrived at my table when I started thinking this. I knew that this was the more difficult part.
I didn’t want just the half that the waiter had given me. I wanted my friend’s half too.
I wondered why they didn’t give each of us a complete portion. If both of us have just halves then, greedy as we are, we’re both fighting to get what actually only one person can have. If we were both given full portions, the question of being greedy doesn’t even arise. It struck me that love is like that too. I am a complete person. I don’t want a better half. I want a complete person who’s compatible with me.
You see, I cannot love a person who loves herself. For that matter, I cannot love someone who hates herself or is insecure about herself. I need moderation somewhere. In short I want a real woman, someone who’s comfortable with herself. Comfort, again, being the key word here.
Of course, a little intelligence and some good looks never hurt anyone.
There you have it.
The verdict : Biryani at Hyderabad House has lost its taste, but double-ka-meetha still rocks!!
Oh!! an also,
Verdict 2 : A smart, good looking woman who’s comfortable with herself and who I can be comfortable with.
P.S. : Didn’t think so.
P.P.S : Life's made to be lived once but love has its way of always giving you a second chance.(I should be paid to write stuff like this :p)